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How to Defuse Someone Else’s Anger

Interacting with an angry or distressed person can evoke a ton of emotions inside of you. Maybe you feel guilty, hurt, afraid or thrown off balance. Having a simple set of intentional steps can put you back in an empowered role. From this place, you can stay connected and engage in solutions that work.

I developed the DATS approach to manage challenging interactions and I draw from this every day in my work and personal life as well.
DATS stands for Differentiate, Acknowledge, Transfer and Solution-Focused.

Here are the DATS Steps for you to use:
1. DIFFERENTIATE: You are a separate person and whatever the individual is saying to you has more to do with them than it does with you. They are bringing the issue; you are the witness. Side-step anger by not engaging at that level. Instead, make the choice to come from a place of understanding, support and non-reactivity.
2. ACKNOWLEDGE: Become a master at recognizing what the real heart of the matter is and acknowledge the feelings that go along with it. Most people coming from a place of anger are feeling vulnerable and upset. Recognize this. Here is where empathy and good listening skills are key. This is not about simply agreeing with the person, or condoning bad behavior or verbal aggression. Simply recognize the pain point. For example, you might genuinely say, “Sounds like this has been frustrating for you”, or whatever else might be true in that moment. However, don’t get stuck here because once you have accurately captured the experience of the other person, it is time to move forward toward the transfer stage.
3. TRANSFER: The previous two steps are designed to perform initial prevention of emotional escalation. The Transfer stage is used to shift the focus back onto the topic of the individual’s concern. So, here, you need to correctly capture what has happened that is the source of the problem. Make a simple statement to capture what you think you heard them tell you about the problem. Then repeat this back until you can both agree on what it is.

Ask Dr. Anna S.3. E.34

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Feeling stuck? Dr. Anna’s Top 6 Tips for Getting Un-stuck!

Is it time for you to get un-stuck?
Here are 6 things you can do:
1. Identify one thing you need to change.
2. Recognize and Embrace the pain – so you can see what you truly need to change.
3. Dig deep into the issue, instead of recoiling and avoiding.
4. Date your new possible options for change before you commit.This way, you can play with new life options. Just remember to engage fully in an open way when you try out something new.
5. Fear is OK, as long as you let yourself do the new thing anyways.
6. Take your time. True and meaningful change requires the development of a new foundation. You want your new foundation to feel well grounded, sturdy and substantial.

Ask Dr. Anna S.3.E.33

Have a question? Ask Dr Anna http://www.whatisptsd.com/contact-form
Full episodes: http://bit.ly/1f413L0
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What to do when anger bubbles up

Is anger bubbling to YOUR Surface? What can you do?
We all go through this sometimes. It happens usually when we are angry; when we feel hurt about something, let down, betrayed, fed-up, annoyed…etc.
A viewer, L.S., had a very good question about a previous video, “Your Anger is Stealing from Your Life”: “What healthy ways do you suggest for releasing anger every time it bubbles up to the surface?”

Here’s what to do when your anger bubbles to the surface.
1. First, ask yourself, “Is this really about me?”
2. Don’t assume that the best solution is to stomp it down. Your anger shows up for very important reasons. Pay attention to your anger as it will teach you something about yourself.
3. Show up for your feelings in a full bodied way. Recognize your feelings and fully embrace it. Understand that there is always a reason behind the feelings.
4. Learn to recognize that pain and hurt feelings can trigger a big dump of adrenaline/cortisol (our big stress hormones) and make us want to fight (or get angry) when, in fact, the right solution might be to face the feelings and ask ourselves to slow down and feel first, identify the true source of pain and learn to find solutions that make us feel we are drawing from the best part of who we want to be.

Dr. Christina Hibbert’s Pep Talk for Healing Trauma through Exercise

Dr. Baranowsky interviews psychologist and PTSD specialist, Dr. Christina Hibbert, about her new book, “8 Keys to Mental Health through Exercise”.

A few key takeaways…
1. Exercise does not have to always involve intense physical activity. Just trying to be more active is a great start.
2. Tackling the thoughts, beliefs and feelings behind exercising is important. Watch for how you talk yourself through the exercise and how much pressure you are putting on yourself. If you shift your mentality from “I have to exercise for 45 minutes daily” to “I’m just moving my body for mental health”, exercising will become a little easier.
3. Be gentle with yourself.
4. Pick an activity that you’re actually interested in. There is no need to copy other people.
5. Most people stick with exercising for the long term for the mental health benefits, not for the physical appearance.
6. Start small and build up. 10 minutes a day of physical activity for 2-3 days a week is a great start.

Check out Dr. Hibbert’s website here: http://www.drchristinahibbert.com/

Ask Dr Anna S.3.E.31

Have a question? Ask Dr Anna http://www.whatisptsd.com/contact-form
Full episodes: http://bit.ly/1f413L0
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Shake to Release Stress Exercise. Try it now!

Watch this video to learn how to use the Shake for Stress Release exercise with Dr. Anna Baranowsky and Frank Pasquill.

Understanding that the large Psoas muscle is implicated in any stress reaction is a useful realization. Whenever we feel stress we ignite the fight, flight or freeze mechanism in our body and this generally tends to create tension in the Psoas muscle. If we shake, using a series of exercises that release tension in this part of the body, we can relieve feelings of tension and engage a relaxation response to help resolve chronic tension.

Frank Pasquill is the developer of Emotional Tuning and he joins Dr Anna Baranowsky in her Psoas Shake for Stress Release exercise. This Shake to Release Stress exercise is a simple approach for dealing with a stressful moment where you need to “reset” to a more relaxed feeling in your body and mind. Try it a few times to get the best results. You can try it with a “laugher shake” or just use the simplified “shaking” steps. Dr Baranowsky recommends using all four shake exercises 3 times in a row. Then check how you feel.

 

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